Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
