me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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