I feel like abortions should bother me more
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
