Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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