3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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