we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
