i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
