Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
