I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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