This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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