I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
