You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
