I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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