Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
