i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
