I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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