Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
