just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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