This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I smell stomach acid.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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