She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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