Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
