she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
