I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
