I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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