those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
