I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
