My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
