1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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