His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
