Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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