I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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