i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
