He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
