Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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