My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
