Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
