I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
