I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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