Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
