writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
