I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I can text with my tongue
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
