So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
