Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
