I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
