i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
