i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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