my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
