Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
