Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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