The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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