I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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