yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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