i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
